Best vs Worst: How Comparison Mindset Affects Our Mental Health & Self-Worth

We are surrounded by messages telling us to aim for the best: the best school, the best job, the best version of ourselves. At the same time, we are warned to avoid the worst. This kind of language is everywhere, but it often does more harm than good.

A chessboard symbolises the black-and-white thinking of best vs worst, illustrating how such a mindset can impact mental well-being.

The problem with best vs worst thinking

Best vs worst thinking is a form of reductionism. It reduces complex people, places and experiences into binary categories. While this can be useful in specific situations, such as comparing test scores or competition results, many of us carry this mindset into our everyday lives.

We start thinking in superlatives. What is the best neighbourhood? Who is the worst student? Which school is the best? Which body is the worst? This constant evaluation encourages comparison. And comparison, especially when based on superficial measures, fuels feelings of inadequacy.

This type of thinking also flattens human experience. It strips away nuance and the reality that every person, place and path comes with strengths and limitations. When we internalise these binary labels, we can begin to feel not good enough, or like we’re constantly falling short. Over time, this can increase anxiety, self-doubt and even depression.

Why nuance and inward focus matter

Humans are not one-dimensional. We are shaped by context, personality, values and lived experience. Mental health improves when we are able to see ourselves and others with greater nuance.

Rather than asking "Am I the best?" or fearing "Am I the worst?", or even choosing the best car, washing machine, holiday destination, we can begin to ask: "What matters to me?" and "What fits my situation?" This shift moves us from outward comparison to inward reflection. It opens space for compassion, self-awareness and more accurate self-assessment.

A note on performance and skill

Of course, there are moments when measuring skills or outcomes is relevant, like in the Olympics. But even there, what's best often depends on others' opinions and biases. Overemphasis on "best" thinking can lead to burnout, perfectionism and distorted self-worth.

Acknowledging growth, effort, and context is not weakness. It is part of building a healthy mindset, and it's affecting our mental health negatively.

Therapy can help unlearn the pressure to compare

In my work as a therapist, I see how deeply the "best vs worst" mindset runs. Clients often come in believing they are not doing enough, not achieving enough, or not living up to some undefined "best" version of themselves. Committing to a relationship is often difficult as we fear we didn't choose "the best partner". Through this comparison mindset, we can deny ourselves inner peace.

My clients and I work together to notice these internal narratives and challenge them. We look at where they came from, and why they feel so urgent. And we begin to replace them with a more flexible, human way of thinking.

It’s not about giving up on goals or progress. It’s about shifting from comparison to connection, from outward judgement to inward clarity.

If you often feel stuck in the pressure to be the best or avoid being the worst, therapy may help you find a healthier way forward.

If this resonates with you, please contact me to schedule a free discovery call so discuss how I could be able to help you.